this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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