We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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