I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
