I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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