This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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