Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
