So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
