This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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