and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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