New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
