Nicole vs. Life
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
