My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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