Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
