worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I stole a fireplace last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
