you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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