fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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