dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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