Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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