Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
