The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
