I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
