i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
