I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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