I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
