I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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