would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize