Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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