I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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