literally had 100 drinks last night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
