apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
