I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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