I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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