Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
