First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
