Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
