hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
