I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
