i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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