I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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