you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
