Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
whose parrot is this?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
