I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
