Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize