We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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