Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize