I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
