i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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