I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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