Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
