I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
