so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
