Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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