She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
