I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
