and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
