like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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