I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
