In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
