I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
