this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
