He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
