saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
