It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
