the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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