I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
