The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
